Jun. 14, 2017

The Doritos®

One night my son bought a bag of Doritos® to try. As I was walking past him, I noticed they were a new flavor so I picked up the bag and brought them to my desk to try for myself. They were the new Ranch Dipped Hot Wing flavor. 

About five minutes into eating a few, I noticed my mouth was on fire. It was one of those spicy foods that kind of creeps up on you and then slams your tongue against the back of your throat as if you’d just eaten a jar of jalapeno peppers. Outside of the fire, they were pretty good; I liked them.

When I realized they were what caused my tongue, cheeks and teeth to shoot flames out of my nostrils, I dropped the chip I was holding onto the floor. Almost immediately, Charlie, the beagle, swooped in and claimed his prize.

“Charlie, you’re not going to want to eat that,” I warned.

While chewing his ill-gotten gain, he looked up at me and said, “Yes, I do. I do, I do! Honest, I think it tastes great.”

After hearing mine and the beagle’s conversation, my son asked what we were talking about.

“I dropped a Dorito® on the floor and he’s eating it,” I answered (since Charlie was too busy licking his chops to answer).

My son chuckled and said, “Yeah, I think he likes them. I dropped a few over here and he scarfed them up pretty quick.”

“Well they were hot! I better not be hollering ‘come on ice-cream’ anytime tomorrow,” I warned.

Since my son didn’t comment, I wasn’t so sure if he got the movie reference I made. I was referring to the Cheech and Chong movie where Cheech had eaten a spicy Mexican burrito. I didn’t elaborate, either.

I know Charlie didn’t get the reference. He was sitting next to me asking for more Ranch Dipped Hot Wing flavored Doritos®. Instead of dropping more for him, though, I took the bag back to my son. Charlie kept in step following the bag.

The next afternoon, I heard Charlie outside yelping like something had gotten a hold of him. Within seconds, he came tearing through the house whining and whimpering. I quickly turned in his direction to see what was wrong and I noticed he was running around the living room while tucking his butt in.

“Oh great,” my husband exclaimed as Charlie ran past him. “He’s dropping poop on the floor!”

Charlie wouldn’t hold still. He kept running around the whole living room in circles with the two of us trotting behind as he waddled around scrunching his butt up. My husband was carrying a roll of paper towels and picking up the droppings. I was in charge of the Lysol® spray to squirt in place of the turds after the poopy pick-ups. Eventually, Charlie ran back outside where he stayed for the next hour or so.

Later that night, my son brought in a big bag of the Cool Ranch flavored Doritos® and handed it to me. Those I could eat without worrying about a Cheech and Chong episode (not that I needed them). I opened the bag and pulled a few out. When I saw Charlie in his bed next to me, I remembered he liked the Doritos® so I offered him a chip.

My dog, which eats anything that doesn’t eat him first, looked real hard at it. As he started to turn away from the treat he said, “I dunno about this, Mom. I’m not sure I will like it.”

“What’s wrong, Charlie? Don’t you want it?” I asked.

“I dunno,” he answered and then tentatively, with only one lip, took the chip.

I gave him a second chip to see if he would react the same way as with the chip I just handed him, and he did.

I didn’t understand what was wrong until I told my son how Charlie was acting. At which time, he starts laughing and said, “It’s the hot Doritos® he ate the other day! They burned Charlie’s butt. That’s why he was scrunched up and pooping everywhere. Now he’s unsure whether he should eat these ones or not after what happened to him.”

Lesson learned.