Jibs & Jabs of a Cranky Old Hag
My son and I had stopped by Hwy 55 diner. While I was waiting for him to pay for his order, a couple of young girls sat at the table behind me. I overheard the one behind me talking to her friend about the staff. She said, “It wouldn’t hurt for someone in this place to smile. No one is smiling in here.”
I turned to her and repeated an old cliché, “Well, if you see someone without a smile, give them yours.”
“I did and they did not respond back,” she replied.
So just before we were leaving I turned back to her and asked, “Would you like for me to make everyone in here smile?”
With a huge smile of her own she said, “Can you? Everyone?”
“Sure!” I said standing up. I raised my hand and waved as I said, “Goodbye Hwy 55. Everyone have a wonderful day!”
The entire staffed stopped, turned to me and waved back and all with big smiles said, “You, too!”
I turned back to the girl and asked, “How did I do?”
“You did great,” she said, “And, thank you!”
I had to go somewhere in a hurry one day so I slipped on a pair of sweats and out the door I ran. I remember my mother’s words as I tried desperately to cram my keys in one pocket and phone in the other, “the hurried you go, the behinder you get.”
I went out and did my errands, even stopping for lunch with my son, while all day I felt like something was wrong. Every time I tried to put my keys or phone back into my pockets I had difficulties.
The front of my britches felt quite snug so I was thinking, great, I’ve gained weight again! I couldn’t see anything below my gut but I could swear I had a camel toe and no matter how I tried to adjust myself, it wouldn’t work. I felt like I was working with a set of testes that wouldn’t cooperate by the way I was always adjusting myself. I actually started to feel sorry and compassionate toward men for that experience.
Later that night as I went to undress for bed (after having spent all day dressed), I noticed I had my pants on backwards.