Jibs & Jabs of a Cranky Old Hag

Nov. 25, 2017

I was texting with Scott Harper during Black friday and I couldn't help but laugh. 
Me: A woman collapsed outside of Coastal Grand Mall while Black Friday shopping.
Scott: Was it you? 
If he only knew...LOL

Nov. 12, 2017
GENERATION GAP: We were listening to the radio and every song that came on, our son would say "That's from the movie...(insert movie title)."
My husband and I would name the band or singer.
That's what this generation has come to. They know music by the movie, while we know music by the artist. Sad; very sad.
Apr. 11, 2017
Lee: Hello Mrs. Cox, we're calling to remind you of Mr. Cox's appointment tomorrow.
Me: Thank you and while I have you on the phone I have a question if you can direct me to the right people.
(I've asked my question and she tells me who I need to speak with. She's going to check and make sure they are still there as they were sick earlier and talking about going home).
Lee: She did go home, but if you'll give me your name and number I'll leave her a note on your desk.
:::Blink, Blink:::
Me: You called ME and you don't have my name and number?
No automatic alt text available.
 
Mar. 23, 2017

My son and I had stopped by Hwy 55 diner. While I was waiting for him to pay for his order, a couple of young girls sat at the table behind me. I overheard the one behind me talking to her friend about the staff. She said, “It wouldn’t hurt for someone in this place to smile. No one is smiling in here.”

I turned to her and repeated an old cliché, “Well, if you see someone without a smile, give them yours.”

“I did and they did not respond back,” she replied.

So just before we were leaving I turned back to her and asked, “Would you like for me to make everyone in here smile?”

With a huge smile of her own she said, “Can you? Everyone?”

“Sure!” I said standing up. I raised my hand and waved as I said, “Goodbye Hwy 55. Everyone have a wonderful day!”

The entire staffed stopped, turned to me and waved back and all with big smiles said, “You, too!”

I turned back to the girl and asked, “How did I do?”

“You did great,” she said, “And, thank you!”

Mar. 23, 2017

I had to go somewhere in a hurry one day so I slipped on a pair of sweats and out the door I ran. I remember my mother’s words as I tried desperately to cram my keys in one pocket and phone in the other, “the hurried you go, the behinder you get.”

I went out and did my errands, even stopping for lunch with my son, while all day I felt like something was wrong. Every time I tried to put my keys or phone back into my pockets I had difficulties.

The front of my britches felt quite snug so I was thinking, great, I’ve gained weight again! I couldn’t see anything below my gut but I could swear I had a camel toe and no matter how I tried to adjust myself, it wouldn’t work. I felt like I was working with a set of testes that wouldn’t cooperate by the way I was always adjusting myself. I actually started to feel sorry and compassionate toward men for that experience.

Later that night as I went to undress for bed (after having spent all day dressed), I noticed I had my pants on backwards.