Mar. 25, 2017

Purina Dog Chow Diet

I was at Walmart today to buy my dog a large bag of Purina dog food. While waiting in the checkout line a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. I'm thinking, what do you think lady? No I have a pet elephant at home.

Since I had nothing better to do than entertain myself, on impulse, I told her I didn't have a dog but I was, once again, starting the Purina Dog Chow Diet. I then quickly added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time I did this diet. I had lost 27 lbs. but awoke in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of my nose and mouth and an IV in my arm.

Everyone in line at the store was thoroughly enthralled in my story by this point. I told her it was essentially a perfect diet and the way it works was so simple. Load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and eat one or two whenever you are hungry. The food is nutritionally balanced and it worked so well I thought I'd try it again.

Horrified, she asked, “Did you end up in the hospital because the dog food poisoned you?”

I answered, “No“, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.”

I thought the guy behind her in line was going to wet himself because he was laughing so hard.

- Author Unknown