Mar. 26, 2017

Four Weeks of Tinder Dating

Week 1

Week 1? A friend downloaded the App on MY phone and "liked" every single woman. I was getting "matches" all the over the place with woman yelling at me because I wasn't reponding within two minutes. I was almost certain one of them was Caitlyn Jenner! I spent the rest of week deleting ALL of them so I could start from scratch in week 2.

Week 2

In week 2, I "liked" about 50 women and got about 5 matches. After ALL FIVE matches decided they didn't want to meet me because I lived too far, was too short, didn't make enough money, or didn't have enough hair, I decided to try a new strategy in week 3.

Week 3

In week three I changed my photos and profile, like THEY do:

"Hi, Dave age 38. Retired from Wall St and would like to indulge a woman of leisure to world travel and fine dining. No more skiing because my long hair keeps blocking downhill vision.

I was given a Navajo Indian name, "Natush-a-mjoja," or "He who walks on three legs" during an intiation ceremony in 2004. If you are my equal or better, swipe right. No fatties."

That profile did NOT work for some reason which leads me to a real photo with my real hobbies and occupation as of today.

Week 4

TINDER UPDATE WEEK FOUR: Tiffany "Hi Dave! I am on the upper eastside...golf, pilates, fine wine and Voltaire are my world. Traveling between NYC and LA for the fashion industry. Kinda like the Harley man who can also rock a tux. I am 5'11". Tell me about yourself."

Dave "Hi Tiffany! Upper eastside...of what? So cool you are a pilot! Voltaire is still alive? I travel between an island and Bergenfield in NJ. I used to have a mini-bike but the good news is I got a Tux at the thrift store for $12.50 just last month! I am 5'9" tall. Do you want to meet for karaoke?

SHE UNMATCHED ME! WTF?


-David Volpe