Daves Comments and quips

Jun. 27, 2018

I am out for my morning walk in my pajamas. Now I understand why old men wear plaid shorts, flooded pants, and shorts with high socks. Doesn’t matter anymore lol.

-The End

Jun. 21, 2018

The Hungry Peddler

Last night, my friends, Jason Frankel of Excel Entertainment and singer Livia Tedesco, were chatting with me about my lady friends in the arts. I mentioned "Dave Volpe Night" at the Peddler, organized by singer Jackie Jacqueline Montero Cornella and I suspect Gloria Bonelli had a hand in it.

Jason and Liv, I apologize for not telling my Englewood Cliffs singing friends about it. You see, I never expected anyone to show up and frankly, I am just a karaoke singer. So, when people like the great Michelle DellaFave from the Dean Martin Show came I was astounded.

Oh, sorry Felicia Romeo Williams for not introducing you. I know Dean and Michelle were special to you. Bob Donlan, retired from the music industry was there. Larry Gruber, sound mixer for so many bands and realtor extraordinaire, and others too numerous to mention. Over the last ten years, my friends in the arts kept introducing me to other dancers, singers, and models like Cynthia Mendez-Correa who I posted the other day.

As well, there are painters, actresses, television personalities, unique people like Dot Stein who literally had her hands on nearly every world famous rock musician, etc. It's like one gigantic artsy family out there!

You people enhanced my life and gave me my 8 minutes of fame (TWO songs at The Peddler LOL). Love you.

The End

Apr. 8, 2018

For several weeks now Boston Medical Group has been advertising a new ED pill for men on 1010 WINS Radio. If you call a 1-800 number for a consultation they will give you a free sample and then, get this, "most men achieve results RIGHT THERE IN THE OFFICE!"

That raises (sorry) several questions and concerns in my mind. What do they mean by "results" and how are the "results" measured? Is it safe to drive home?

I am sure some of you have your own questions as well.

Mar. 15, 2018

The Winning Lottery Ticket.

I was at work in Bergenfield, and on this particular day, feeling depressed. One of my nurses came into my cubicle and said, "Dave, you need some cheering up. I bought some scratch-offs, why don't to take one for free."

As I slowly scratched the ticket, my eyes couldn't believe it for I had won $50,000! My mind was racing with thoughts of paying for my children's college loans and more.

I stood up and screamed, "I WON THE LOTTERY!"

I ran out of the office waving the ticket over my head. I thought I heard the nurse say "Wait," but in my joy ran to share it with everyone. I ran through the Bergenfield Borough Hall, into every office on all THREE floors (basement, ground level, and second floor) waving my ticket and screaming about my good luck (police, tax records, court, administration, building dept, fire, payroll).

Finally, I returned to my office, and I kid you not, lept onto the customer counter, and started dancing on it waving the ticket over my head. Then, I looked around the room, but it looked empty. I was able to see into the Health Inspector's cubicle and it looked liked he had his head on his desk. Everyone else was hiding.

I slowly lowered my ticket and said, "Please don't tell me this is a prank."

At that point the nurse came over from her office. She looked a little distraught. She said, "I am so sorry, I tried to stop you."

Has anyone out there ever gone from a feeling of complete elation to one of complete devastation in a matter of 3 seconds? That's how I felt as I slowly climbed down from the counter.

I keep this ticket on a wall. in my living room. It is a microcosm of life. It reminds us that if something is too good to be real, it is not real. Also, to remain humble in the face of good fortune. The End

Mar. 7, 2018

Dave’s Weekly Consumer Report:

Moisturizer: In the winter

I moisturize my whole body, usually with a Cocoa Butter/Shea based product. You usually end up smelling, let me think, like a cake.

Today I tried dollar store moisturizer. I chose something from China, “Happy Family Moisturizer” which will set you back about 99 cents for half a gallon. When it squirted out I thought, “this looks familiar..white, opaque, gelatinous.” It will COME to me.

Anyway, today I smell, I kid you not, just like a walking coconut. What is YOUR favorite full body moisturizer?