Quotes Quips & Jokes

May. 1, 2018

Ray Bradbury 

"Writing is not a serius buinsess. It's a reliberation. You should be having fun with it." 

 

Albert Einstein 

"Creativity is intelligence having fun."

 

Helen Keller 

"The only way to get to the other side is to go through the door." 

 

Another Birthday

Happy birthday to my brother, Michael. Please, get yourself together and soon.

 

James Wooden

It's the little things that are vital. It's the little things that make big things happen.

 

JK Rowling

"I just write what I wanted to write. I write what amuses me. It's totally for myself."

 

Birthday

Happy birthday to my son. I love him with all my heart.

 

1 Timothy 6:7

"For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out." 

Apr. 1, 2018

Conan O'Brien 

"If you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

 

Everyday

"The world is not full of assholes, but they are strategically placed so that you;'ll come across one everyday."

-Unknown

 

Albert Einstein 

"There comes a point in your life when you have to stop reading other people's books and write one of your own."

 

Alan West 

"History teaches us that actions speak louder than signed accords, or proclamations."

 

Warning

Cross-stitching is proof I can stab something 1,000 times.

 

Marraige 

"I hope we're married so long that our mustaches tickle each other." 

-Cranky

 

Poet, Xan Oku

"May the flowers remind us why the rain is so neccessry."

 

Teacher 

The only profession that makes you second guess names for your baby.

 

Ayn Rand

"To be the kind of writer you want to be, you must first be the kind of thinker you want to be." 

 

Stephen King

"If you don't spend time reading, you won't have the tools to write."It's as simple as that."

 

Friday the 13'th

Is just another day - Happy Friday!

 

Tim Burton

"One man's craziness is another man's reality."

 

Keanu Reeves

"I do think there must be some kind of interaction between your living life and the life that goes on from here." 

 

Roald Dahl

"If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

 

Emily Dickinson

"Saying nothing sometimes says the most."

 

Writing 

"If you're waiting for an inspiration to write, you're not a writer, you're a waiter."

 

Johnny Depp 

You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel

 

Julia Cameron

"Just as a good rain clears the air, a good writing day clears the psyche."

 

Jean-Luc Picard

"Things are only impossible until they're not." 

 

Ronald Dahl

"Those that don't believe in magic, will never find it."

 

John 11:25 

"Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live."

Mar. 1, 2018

Master Chief  

The grumpy Navy Master Chief saw a new face and shouted at him, “Come here! What’s your name, sailor?” 

“James,” the new seaman answered. 

“Listen carefully sailor, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It their last names only; Carter,Davidson,Cooper, Jackson, whatever. And you are to refer to me as ‘Master Chief.’ Do I make myself clear?” 

“Aye, Aye, Master Chief!”

“Now,what’s your last name?”

The sailor sighed. “Darling, My name is James Darling, Master Chief.”

“Okay,James, here’s what I want you to do…

  

Brian Tracy

"Whatever job you take on, make yourself valuable then make yourself indispensible." 

 

Gustave Flaubert

"The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe." 

 

Winston Churchill 

"If you're going through hell, keep going." 

 

Stephen Hawking 

"Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change." 

 

Isaac Marion

"Every experience, good or bad, is a priceless collector's item."

 

Being a Woman

"The strongest actions for a woman is to love herself, be herself, and shine amongst those who never believed she could."

-Author Unknown

 

A Woman's 4 Favorite Animals 

1) Jaguar in her garage

2) Mink on her back

3) Tiger in her bed and

4) A Jackass to pay for it all

 

Christopher Robin

"You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

 

Clyde Cox

Today is his birthday. He wasn't my father, but he was as close to having one as I could get so, today, I miss him a lot.

 

St. Patrick's Day

Happy Green Day to all my readers! 

 

 

Relationship Goals

 

Wanna come over and take a nap?

 

 

Control

"You cannot control what others do, but you can control your own responses." 

-Unknown

 

Steven Speilberg

"You shouldn't dream your films, you should make them." 

 

Harold Pinter

"All you can do is try to write as good as you can."

 

Gratefulness 

"Train your heart and mind to see the good in everything. There is always something to be grateful for.

 

Walter Summerford 

He was struck by lightening 3 times in hsi life. After his death, his gravestone was also struck. 

 

March 8th

Happy Women's Day

 

The Golf Ball  

Two Golfers were approaching the first tee. 

The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend – “Hey, why don’t you try this ball.” He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. “Use this one – You can’t lose it!” 

His friend replies, “What do you mean you can’t lose it?!!” 

The first man replies, “I’m serious, you can’t lose it.

If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it.”

Obviously, his friend doesn’t believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, “Wow! That’s incredible! Where did you get that ball?”

The man replies, “I found it.” 

 

Synthia Path

"Let me live, love, and say it well in good sentences."

 

Fran Lebowitz

"There is nothing more mine than writing." 

 

Procaffinating 

(n.) The tendency to not start anything until you've had a cup of coffee.

 

Writing a Book

It's like telling a joke and waiting two years to see if it were funny or not

 

Jay Leno

"It's not looking good for Obama, today his teleprompter took the fifth."

 

James Woods

"The bottom line is to be in control of your own destiny." 

 

Psalm 5:3

"In the morning O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my request before you and wait in expectation."

Feb. 1, 2018

Kenneth Blancard 

The key to successful leadership today is influence not authority.

 

Amen!

"I'd would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than to live my life as if there isn't a God and die to find out there is."

-Unknown

 

Leadership

You only lead becacsue it's your turn.

 

Marriage 

Its about understanding what irritates your spouse and then using it strategically.

 

Metal Screws 

By the time my father was my age he had amassed like 30 cans full of screws. I don't even have one. It makes me wonder what have I done with my life?

 

Vincent Van Gogh

"There is nothing more artistic than loving people."

 

Plato 

Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance.

 

Strolling the Pharmacy Isle 

As I was strolling down the condom aisle of a pharmacy, I had noticed a lady weeping as she went to grab a box of tampons... 

Then I thought to myself, "she must be going through a tough period in her life..."

  

Maya Angelou

"Nothing can dim the light that shines from within."

 

Pablo Neruda 

"You can cut the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming." 

 

Happy Valentines Day to all my readers!

 

Winston Churchill 

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts."

 

Ray LaBlond

"You learn something new everyday if you pay attention." 

 

Peter Drucker 

"Management is doing things right; Leadership is doing things the right way."

 

The Wages of God 

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute." 
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny." 
'Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" 
'The Lord replies, "In a minute."

 

John Adams 

"In my many years I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress." 

 

Problems

Whenever I have a problem  I sing. Then I realize my singing is worse than my problems

 

Groundhog Day

The little critter saw his shadwo. We have six more weeks of winter this year.

 

Paslm 46:10 

Be still and know that I am your God

Jan. 1, 2018

Food for Thought

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

 

Milton Friedman 

"If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there would be a shortage of sand." 

 

Samuel Richardson

"Calamity is the test of integrity."

 

Leo Durocher

"I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there were not any rules, how could I break them?"

 

Larry the Cable Guy

"A day without sunshine is like night."

 

Seth Godin

"People watch more of what you do than listen to what you say." 

 

J.K. Rowling

"It's important to remember we all have a little magic inside of us."

 

Being a Good Person

If you put as much effort into being a good person as you do pretending to be a good person, you could actually be a good person.

 

Martin Luther King Jr.

"Our lives begin to end the day we remain silent about things that matter." 

 

The Clergy  

A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months. He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency. 

Among other questions he was asked, "What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?" 

He thought for a moment and then said, "I would take up a collection."

Contributed by Woodie Chavis 

 

Louis D. Branderis

"Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done." 

 

Speaking of Conservation

Save the planet it's the only one with chocolate on it.

 

Memories 

Some still dream about the people lost in their memories, fabricated by their nostalgia, and romantasized by their broken heart.

 

The 911 Call

A 911 operator received a call that an elderly man was shot by his wife upon arrival the deputy confronted the wife and found out the husband was shot because his wife just mopped floors and warned him about walking on it with his shoes on.

When the dispatcher asked if the deputy arrested the women he told dispatch no. The floors are still wet

 

Bruce Van Horn

"No amount of guilt can solve the past. No amount of anxiety can change the future." 

 

Lao Tzu

"Music in the soul can be heard by the universe."

 

MJ Adler 

"I can't imagine a man enjoying a book and not reading it more than once." 

 

Holly Ward

Happy First birthday Angel Pie. We love you 

-Grandma & Grandpa Cranky

 

January 3rd 

IT'S SNOWING!!

 

Pablo Picasso 

"Action is the foundational key to all success." 

 

Romans 6:23

"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our lord."