Mar. 24, 2019

The Things I've Learned on Social Media

At the height of the social media craze, I have learned several things about people I’ve known for years that I never knew before. For the most part, social media has created narcissism in a lot of people.

It used to be writers, entertainers, and musicians who were the front liners. Now, it seems everyone is vying to be in the spotlight. People whom I never thought were so ostentatious have really surprised me. For instance:

Billy Bob and his wife, Mary Jane, posted they were going on vacation (out-of-state) and will be gone for a week. Upon their return, they posted a wonderful post about how they’d been robbed and couldn’t for the life of them figure out how anyone even knew they were gone.

Geraldine and her husband went on a wonderful vacation to The Great Smoky Mountains. They were smart, though, and did not post that they were going on vacation. However, those lovely mountain pictures they took and posted right away to social media, obviously, were not of their own sprawling 12 x 12 inner-city backyard.

They were livid to find someone had broken into their home during their absence. “How did anyone even know we’d left the state?” Geraldine posted the afternoon following their return. 

I’ve learned that my neighbor, who usually throws the best boozed-filled parties I’ve ever seen, was a devout Christian. While the neighbor on the other side of me, who attends church religiously (no pun intended), just told off the lady across from her. That was her post: “I just told that woman across from me a few words about her dogs!”

What she didn’t post were the “few words,” that she used. From my own living room, I could hear the language and I can attest that it would upset church-going people. That woman used more foul language and cuss words than even I knew.

Rachel and I had a phone conversation and during that call, she called her toddler son an SOB, MF’er, told him to bring is effing ass over there to her. I was a little uptight about it and decided to end the call.

Following her nurturing and mothering words of encouragement toward her own son, I see she’s sharing several post about child abuse, including about how we should watch what we say to children, “after all, they learn by example.”

I didn’t realize how superstitious Linda was until I started receiving private messages “Pass this message to 15 people in the next 10 minutes to receive a bountiful reward by the end of the day.”

Personally, the fact that my feet hit the floor in the beginning of the day and not my ass on a cold slab makes me feel pretty bountiful already...Just saying.

I was impressed that Amy made several posts about women who are sleazy, dress inappropriately, and chased men around like they’re cadaver dogs hot on the trail of Jimmy Hoffa. By the way, Amy has four children, all from different fathers and she’s pregnant with her fifth. She met Baby-Daddy at the nightclub she frequents every Friday night. Pray for her.

Margery was smart. She didn’t post what was wrong at first, only that she was “Feeling sick @ Dr. John’s office.” Of course, she blew it when twenty people commented and asked her what was wrong and she answered them. They all gave her some wonderful money-saving tips for her symptoms. However, I do not think a teaspoon of honey in apple cider vinegar is going to cure her severe case of mononucleosis which she later posted that she was diagnosed with.

I never knew Tom was depressed until he started posting “Feeling sad,” which, of course, created an onslaught of questions about why he was sad and promises of “I’m here if you need me, buddy.”

Todd and Helen are getting a divorce because she caught him with Tina who is the aunt of her best friend, Roxy. Helen and Roxy are no longer speaking because Roxy is siding with Aunt Tina (blood is thicker than water). After all, it was Todd who “opened the door,” and let Aunt Tina in.

Now both sides are duking it out on social media about who was right, who was wrong, and exactly how each individual would handle this unforgivable travesty. Everyone on their friends’ list is contributing to the fight.

Meanwhile, my crew and I are sitting back, passing the popcorn, and taking bets on how long it will be before Todd and Helen are back together, Roxy is kissing butt trying to get back into Helen’s good graces, and Aunt Tina is kicked to the curb trying to defend her right to sleep with “whoever she wants to be with.”

Frank had Chicken Alfredo with a side salad for lunch. Later, he had roast beef smothered in mushroom gravy with peas, carrots, and baked potato topped with sour cream and butter. It all looked so delicious and the pictures turned out great Gee, I sure wish I could eat like that all the time.

It has truly generated a society people and falsehoods. People try to convince others that they live differently than how they really do. For the most part, I enjoy social media for the comedy it produces. I really enjoy the memes. They can be quite hilarious. Which reminds me, I once saw a meme that read, “Sit down...some of us actually know you in real life.”

Social media certainly has its place in the world of technology in which we live, but it should not be used to put out our personal information, either. While I can appreciate that it is a great way to spread news features, stories and columns, I can also appreciate it spreads a lot of fake news, stories, and columns full of misinformation.

It needs a sign up notice that reads: “Enter at your own risk!”