Mar. 22, 2017

Butt Naked Nurses

Having lived in the south and so close to the Atlantic Ocean for several years, I would get teased when I went back home to Ohio because I never had a suntan. I just didn’t get into sunning myself. However, after one visit home and seeing they had better tans than I did, I decided to work on it. I knew I would be going back to Ohio over the summer so as of the first of that year, I joined a tanning bed salon and on my off days I laid out on the beach.

Some of the nurses at work noticed I was getting a suntan and it was in the middle of January. They were observant like that which is a good thing because they were nurses and it’s a great asset to have for our job: to be observant. I explained why that was and that my goal was to be a nice bronze color when I went back to Ohio over the summer.

“That’s a great idea,” said Gail, one of the nurses with whom I was talking. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a nice tan before in my life. I’m going to join a salon too so I can be nice and brown by the summer.”

The other two nurses who were sitting there with us joined in as well and it was decided the four of us, me, Gail, Barbara and Rachel, were going to work on having a beautiful suntan by June instead of being milky white, or as Rachel called it, “having a nurse’s tan.”

Around March, the four of us were sitting in the back of 2nd Station having lunch when all of a sudden, Barbara announces, more as a statement than a question, “Do you know I have a heart in the crack of my ass from the tanning bed.”

As if daring her, Rachel says, “I don’t believe it! Let’s see. Show it to us.”

“Okay! I will,” Barbara said, jumping up to close the door to the nurse’s station. She then whips down her pants behind me, where I cannot see anything and says to Rachel, “See? Do you see it?”

“I do, I do!” exclaims Rachel. She hits me on the back, “Look, Michelle. You gotta see this. It’s a little heart just like she said right on her ass!”

Gail is sitting in the corner giggling like mad as I shake my head, “I don’t wanna look at her ass. It will forever change my image of Barbara if I’m looking at her behind.”

“Aww C’mon,” Rachel and Barbara cajoles until I finally turn around and look. Sure enough, right at the top of her browned gluteus maximum is a little white heart proudly standing out for everyone to see (who wanted to look at her naked butt).

“You think that’s something,” Rachel says, “I have dots all over my ass.” Without missing a beat, Rachel drops her britches to her ankles and stands side-to-side with Barbara. Lo and behold! There are little white circles all over Rachel’s backside.

Gail is really cracking up now as I say, “That’s nothing, I have stripes going up and down my ass.” Like my colleagues, I too stand up and drop my pants to expose stripes from the tanning bed going up and down vertically.

“What about you, Gail?” asked Rachel. “Anything on you, squares, smiley faces, a booger maybe?”

Gail can only shake her head that she didn’t. She’s laughing too hard at the three of us standing bent over with our pants down around our ankles exposing our derrieres; Barbara with her heart, Rachel and her dots, and me with my stripes.

All of a sudden the door to the nurse’s station opens up. All of us turned our heads to see the chief doctor standing behind the DON and both are staring at us standing butt-to-butt. The director of nurses, Judy Russ (the boss), gasps very loudly at our naked display before quickly shutting the door without a single word. Just as quickly, we recover ourselves and exit the backroom, minus Gail who is still sitting in the corner of the room, hysterical at this point.

As we all three gracefully, and red-faced, leave the room the boss shakes her head and says, “I do not want to know what that was all about. Let’s just keep it to ourselves.”

The chief doctor grins and says, “I wanna know though!”

Many years later, I was talking with my old employer, Judy Russ, and she asked about that moment. She said it was one of the funniest things she’d ever seen, everyone, including Gail, wore a very surprised look when she opened that door. “It was one of the few times in my life I was ever left completely speechless.”

In spite of our naked exposures, we all four had quite a nice tan by the time summer rolled in. However, I had to quit going to the tanning bed that same year, especially after contracting eight ringworm; all at the same time. It took me months to get rid of them too. Since then I’ve been quite happy with my “nurse’s tan.”