Mar. 23, 2017

The Pants

I had to go somewhere in a hurry one day so I slipped on a pair of sweats and out the door I ran. I remember my mother’s words as I tried desperately to cram my keys in one pocket and phone in the other, “the hurried you go, the behinder you get.”

I went out and did my errands, even stopping for lunch with my son, while all day I felt like something was wrong. Every time I tried to put my keys or phone back into my pockets I had difficulties.

The front of my britches felt quite snug so I was thinking, great, I’ve gained weight again! I couldn’t see anything below my gut but I could swear I had a camel toe and no matter how I tried to adjust myself, it wouldn’t work. I felt like I was working with a set of testes that wouldn’t cooperate by the way I was always adjusting myself. I actually started to feel sorry and compassionate toward men for that experience.

Later that night as I went to undress for bed (after having spent all day dressed), I noticed I had my pants on backwards.