Jibs & Jabs of a Cranky Old Hag

Jan. 7, 2019
I asked my son to post a note in the mailbox to let the mail person know to pick up packages at the door. The first time he did it for me, no one picked any up because he didn't put the flag up so they didn't stop. 
Me explaining to him: Son, you have to put the flag up to let them know to stop and pick up the mail.

Him: Okay...whatever.
Today (three days later), I thought he was clear on the whole raising-of-the-flag issue and asked him again to put a note in there to let them know there are packages at the door. Otherwise, they will just put the flag down and move on. 

We had gotten home late last night, and likewise, three nights ago and didn't have time to set up mail pick up. This is my other option: to just let them know to come to the door and get the packages.

I looked out the window and saw the flag was down. I made him come back home from his friend's house (he's in my car so yeah, I can do that) and told him to put the flag up and again, I explained it to him. 

Me: You HAVE to put the flag up to let them know to stop and pick up mail. 

Him: Then WHY are you putting a note in there to tell them? 

Me: How else are they going to know to pick them up at the door if I don't put a note in there?

Him: Exactly! They will see the note and come to the door, so why bother putting the flag up?

Me (He didn't get his smarts from MY SIDE of the family - that's all I'm saying about that): How are they going to know to even stop so they can read the note and know to come to the door?
(Dumbfounded expression) 

Me again: Well? How do we get the postman to STOP in order to read the note?
Him --> goes outside and puts the flag up. 
Jan. 7, 2019

I took my granddaughter to Ripley's Aquarium. We had a blast, but the tunnel exhibits are SO DARK! For someone who is visually impaired such as I am, it can get confusing.

While standing in Planet Jelly Fish, I saw her reach out to another baby. My granddaughter will stick her little pointer finger out and point or try to touch something so, when the other little baby did it back to her, I thought it was so cute that I snapped a picture of it. 

I almost bumped into the heavy set woman next to me so I said, "Excuse me. I'm sorry, I did not mean to bump into you."

The rude witch said nothing in return. Usually a polite person will say, "That's all right..." or something to that affect. Not her. Hmph! 

I walked off. My son looked back at me and said, "Mom, who were you talking to?" 

I said, "That big lady that was just over there standing next to me, but she's gone now." 

He shook his head and said, "Mom, you DO know that's a mirror, right?" 


Jan. 7, 2019

I asked my mom once why did it rain and she answered, "God is crying."
So I asked, "Why is God crying?" 
And she said, "Because you must have done something bad." 
I never believed her, but I've always remember it. I thought then (and now) she was an asshole.

Jul. 16, 2018

The Internet

In the days of technologies, I sit back and ponder what we’ve learned.

– We’ve learned to snack. Every time we sit down at the computer anymore, it seems we need something to nibble on.

– We learned to be adventurous. We post pictures on social media of meals we eat once in a while to give the illusion that we eat like this all the time.

– We’ve learned how to scam people out of their money. We know that someone is eventually going to click on these pop-up ads, spam, or false stories (IE: my brother Keith).

– We’ve learned how to air our dirty laundry. Before social media, no one had any clue as to what was going on in a person’s life unless they bumped into each other, made a phone call, or ran into someone’s mother. Now, we know every time a couple gets divorced, why they’re getting divorced, and why the children should not be with the other evil parent.

– We’ve learned not all celebrities are dead – Prince, Robin Williams and Elvis live!

– We’ve learned we’re not getting Alzheimer’s because of all the passwords we have to remember. The new rule of thumbs: If you can remember your login IDs and PWs you don’t have Alzheimer’s Disease.

– We’ve learned that everyone else is aging, but not us. Reviewing my high school yearbook I see that many of my old pals have gotten so gray and wrinkled except for me; I’m still the stunning homecoming queen I always was (cough).

– We have learned to be insecure with ourselves. The internet has created a community of liars. People lie about their height, weight, wealth, and/or worth. Some have even lied about their gender. As for me, I’ve always maintained that I was a four-foot-two troll with one tooth, but it was a gold tooth.

You have to love the internet, though. It’s brought us so much, changed so much, and created so much in our lives, both good and bad.

Nov. 25, 2017

I was texting with Scott Harper during Black friday and I couldn't help but laugh. 
Me: A woman collapsed outside of Coastal Grand Mall while Black Friday shopping.
Scott: Was it you? 
If he only knew...LOL