Last night, I dreamt of an old friend of mine who has since passed, Bonnie Lebietz. In the dream, I felt so angry with her, but I didn’t know why.
I pulled into a gas station and she was standing outside of her truck. As I stopped behind her car, she looked up and smiled at me; I got out of my car and walked to her where she hugged me so tight.
I told her, “I miss you so much, Bonnie.”
She said, “I miss you too, Shell.”
Then I realized why I was angry and told her so. “I am so mad that you died. I am so angry that I did not spend more time with you when I could have.”
Bonnie pulled back and held me by the shoulders. “I know,” she said smiling. “I feel the same way, too. We had so much fun together, but it’s okay. I promise, we will see each other again.”
I woke up at that point. I was crying. I do miss my friend and I am so mad at myself for not spending more time with her when we had the chance.
Bonnie was a person who was so caring and loving that you could feel it just being in the same room with her. People talk about auras and Bonnie had one. It was a clear bright white light that surrounded her, even when she felt down.
I can still hear her laughter – I can still see her with that cigarette dangling from her mouth as she bent down to tie someone’s shoe, or pick something up off the floor, or chasing a bug out the door because she refused to kill it. Bonnie loved and respected all life, even a cockroach’s.
I can still see her and I still miss her.