Mar. 26, 2017

The Second Condom Story

My SECOND Condom Story:

Ever since being embarrassed during my first condom purchase attempt it was YEARS before I tried again. Finally, the day came when I desperately needed condoms and I had NO choice.

As I entered a major retailer (Walgreen's, CVS, you get the picture), I convinced myself it was going to be OK. At the back-right of the store, in a discreet section, I found the condoms. There is a dizzying array to choose from nowadays so it threw me off: smooth, ribbed, lubricated, unlubricated, natural animal skin or rubber (?), different colors, shapes, textures, maybe even flavors, who knows. I picked my condoms and got in one of two lines near the exit.

When the cashier scans my condoms, nothing happens. She scans them again...NOTHING. I was sweating at that point. Then, I kid you not she picks up the STOREWIDE microphone and announces..."Could someone from the pharmacy give me a price check for lubricated ribbed Trojans?"

By then I had no choice but to turn around to the people in line behind me and start doing standup comedy...."Hi everyone, I am Dave, I'll be here all week."