Daves Comments and quips

Aug. 15, 2018

The POL Salem Witch Adventure

Disclaimer: I will try and tell this tale lovingly with no disrespect to either of the two POL members involved. I will not use names or post photos that might identify them.

There was a time when I was obsessed with America Online and the chat rooms. My favorite room was Physicians Online (POL). The people there were friendly, for the most part, sometimes met in the flesh (literally I later found out lol), and generally had a raucous good time.

This particular story began with a self-proclaimed "Witch" who lived up near Salem, Massachusetts (I think), and a female member who, like me, enjoyed adventures. The exact sequence of events that led me and, let's call her J, to spend a weekend at the witch's house, is fuzzy.

One Saturday, J. drove to my house from south Jersey, left her car in my driveway, and the two of us headed out to Massachusetts. We arrived at a beautiful railroad house. This style was traditional and historic for the area and was basically a gigantic, long, rectangular shaped dwelling.

J and I were very nervous at that moment because we did not know what to expect. We cautiously, knocked on the door, and to our surprise, a woman who was not unattractive but looked a little like a witch opened the door with a big, warm, smile! The witch took us on a tour of her house which was lavishly appointed leading us to believe that she had money. After that, there was a series of events that were somewhat surreal to me, and I will relay some of the highlights.

The witch took us into town along a woodsy road in a convertible sports car (mustang?). She liked to drive fast so my memory is the wind, the conversations, and woods flying past. There were two shops I remember in particular, one being an antique store where I bought a lithograph, and the other was a witch's supply shop of some kind. That was where I saw a thing of beauty, a knife made entirely of stone; the handle was petrified wood, blade made of onyx, it was embellished with pewter and the handle was capped with a quartz crystal.

I am known for being a little frugal, but I was on "vacation" and had to have it. The Witch told me it was called an "athame," or ceremonial witch's knife. My next memory was being back at the house.

The doorbell rang and several young people entered, both male and female. The Witch introduced them to me and "J" as her coven. At this point, I think this is where J started to become nervous/scared. She kept trying to catch my eye, even suggested not staying the night.

The coven were particularly interested in the pendant around my neck. The pendant was a Celtic symbol for a warrior. I explained to them I was an ex-wrestler and I related to it. After consulting with the Witch, they decided I needed to be purified (?) and began chanting words at me.

We all sat and engaged in friendly conversations which led to the revelation that a ghost inhabited this house. They told me the ghost lived in the back of the basement and perhaps I would like to meet him (I know what you are thinking at this point, or maybe it was what I was thinking; I could disappear and never be found lol).

J was beyond scared by now so I decided to descend into the basement alone with the coven behind me. As we walked further toward the rear of this long cavern, it got darker and darker, until it was almost pitch black. On the way, the Coven told me who the ghost was, and even his name. apparently, he had been a revolutionary war soldier named Bob? They kept asking me to clear my mind and feel his presence.

Then, one of them said, "Stop, he's in front of you Dave. Can you feel him?"

OK, so I lied and said yes. The next phase involved me introducing myself and asking him questions, the coven answering for him.

Let's fast forward. I survived the basement and it was time for bed. J and I were put in separate bedrooms. The witch seemed to be taking an interest in me and was dropping hints (I thought). The bedrooms had amazing beds with beautiful quilts, each with its own bathroom. I was hoping J might even came in to say goodnight, but the witch stopped in instead.

The next day was blurry, but the witch insisted on making pasta from scratch for lunch before we had to leave. She was talking to me while preparing lunch and remarked that she found me attractive. She mentioned a house on the beach somewhere that I could live in. However, quitting my job, separating myself from my children, and moving to Massachusetts was the last thing on my mind.

When it was time to leave, she was distraught and asked for something personal from me, preferably from my body, so I took off my shirt and handed it to her. She then reached up somewhere and removed a hand blown sphere from a wire. She told me it was a "witches ball" and that it would protect my house from evil.

That is all I really want to say without delving into the usual POL mischief lol. I am left with an athame with a new blade since then, a witch's ball, a lithograph, and fun memories. The End

– Dave Volpe

Aug. 9, 2018

I was shopping for houses in North Carolina with my friend, Kevin Breen, last year. We pulled into a popular southern fast food chain and went inside.

When my turn came the lady said “Ihh it fah heyah aww ta stay honey?” (All in one word).

I was helpless and started to sweat. I turned around and looked at Kevin who was too hysterical to help.

This was my answer to her, “You want me to drive around where?”

At that point she slowly said (because I was obviously the R word), “You have no idea what I’m saying, do you?”

--Say Hey Dave

Jul. 25, 2018

was the President of the Bergen County Health Officer's Society and had rented the Spirit of NJ for our 50th anniversary lunch cruise. Of course I was running late and got lost near the dock so I pulled into a gas station where two police officers were standing.

I jumped out of the car and was frantically waving my arm about. Ihad started asking directions when one of the cops said, "Is that your car?"

My car was actually a retired police cruiser which the Health Department got second hand. With the driver's side door still open, the car had exited the parking lot and was headed down the road against traffic. I ran after the car, caught up to it, and dove in head first.

The only problem was my patent leather dress shoes were being dragged along the asphalt. With my legs dragging along the street I steered the car to the side of the road, jumped a sidewalk, and crashed into an old wooden stockade fence. When the officers strolled over, they were actually hysterical and felt bad for me.

They knocked on the homeowners door and some lady told them to let me go, she would fix the fence. I made it to the cruise on time, unlike one poor Health Officer standing alone on the dock, and conducted our 50th Anniversary Celebration. The shoes went into the garbage that night.

Jun. 27, 2018

I am out for my morning walk in my pajamas. Now I understand why old men wear plaid shorts, flooded pants, and shorts with high socks. Doesn’t matter anymore lol.

-The End

Jun. 21, 2018

The Hungry Peddler

Last night, my friends, Jason Frankel of Excel Entertainment and singer Livia Tedesco, were chatting with me about my lady friends in the arts. I mentioned "Dave Volpe Night" at the Peddler, organized by singer Jackie Jacqueline Montero Cornella and I suspect Gloria Bonelli had a hand in it.

Jason and Liv, I apologize for not telling my Englewood Cliffs singing friends about it. You see, I never expected anyone to show up and frankly, I am just a karaoke singer. So, when people like the great Michelle DellaFave from the Dean Martin Show came I was astounded.

Oh, sorry Felicia Romeo Williams for not introducing you. I know Dean and Michelle were special to you. Bob Donlan, retired from the music industry was there. Larry Gruber, sound mixer for so many bands and realtor extraordinaire, and others too numerous to mention. Over the last ten years, my friends in the arts kept introducing me to other dancers, singers, and models like Cynthia Mendez-Correa who I posted the other day.

As well, there are painters, actresses, television personalities, unique people like Dot Stein who literally had her hands on nearly every world famous rock musician, etc. It's like one gigantic artsy family out there!

You people enhanced my life and gave me my 8 minutes of fame (TWO songs at The Peddler LOL). Love you.

The End